Mizizi this past week was about being part of the body of Christ.  The how, why and where to go from there.  I suppose the most profound concept about being a part of God’s family is learning how to serve God by serving people.  I have never had any trouble with that except that I have always restricted serving to Sunday and church.  Now I see that serving others, especially the brethren, outside of Sunday and the church compound calls for a lifestyle commitment to love.  Now it make so much sense why Jesus said what He did in John 13:35, “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, by your love for one another.”  Those that need to see how much Christians love one another and others are probably not there on Sunday.  They are at the office, in the bus, at the restaurant and waiting in line at the bank.

I need to apply this in my life on a person by person basis.  If I look at it too generally, chances are I won’t do anything about it.

The concept of total surrender to God is not foreign to me. There are even books about it.  The practice is another thing.  I am constantly struggling with surrender.  Ceding complete control to Jesus would be exciting and radical for me, despite the fact that I live a more surrendered life today than ever.  Radical because there exist those scenarios where a little embellishment (translated lie) would do no apparent harm and save face.  I would have to say to people, ‘I am sorry, forgive me.  I did not do what you asked because I forgot the moment I left the room.’

Easy to say to your friend.  Easy to say to your boss?

I sense following Jesus radically would be a true adventure.  I have caught glimpses of this in some areas of my life and a life completely devoted to following Christ would surely be nothing less.  It would certainly be expensive for me as an individual.  My peers may label me and probably shun me from their networks (networks which are invaluable in business).

It is true.  God is not so concerned about my reputation as He is concerned about my character. If my desire is to be real deal I have to be willing to surrender my reputation and gain great character instead.

She’s holding a syringe with what appears to be an unusually long needle attached to it.  She is approaching me the whole time saying, ‘This won’t hurt a bit, its for your own good’.

I could never see how.  I got the jab but I made sure in my own juvenile way that they knew I didn’t like it one bit.  Nearly thirty years later and I still react the same way.   To God.  I had always imagined that if God means something to be good for me then I will obviously enjoy it.  Once I found out it isn’t always so, I struggled to understand His reasoning and consequently His motives.

Lately, a casual observer would probably be baffled by my choices and non-chalant demeanor in the face of the mountains I am facing.  I am sure they would spot somewhere a determination to believe in and totally trust in God’s ability to get me out of a fix.

I keep Him busy.

‘I have made you too small in my eyes, oh Lord, forgive me.
And I have believed in a lie, that you were unable to save me…’

The first lines of a song that speaks to my heart everytime I hear it.

I got a call today from someone I own money.  I gave them a cheque which should have been banked today but they were gracious enough to heed my request and not bank it before consulting.  A good thing too because there is no money in that account today.  I needed to make good on that cheque so it felt really bad not being able to, the circumstances notwithstanding.  I felt alone and helpless.

If I really believed God can do anything for me and that He is in control I probably would have handled that differently.  As it is, I still feel down.

Doesn’t change the fact that He is in control though.

I’d probably have walked with my head held a little higher rather than with my eyes to the ground and a look of utter dejection.

Lord, be made big in my eyes.  Oh that I may see you more than I see my successes or my failures.

“Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?” The young man who approached Jesus with this question has always made sense to me. Why can’t I be a Christian and still have my own way? Or do I mean, why can’t I be a Christian and follow…me?

I have always been afraid that following God would mean losing the things that are important to me. Even after making the decision to follow Him I still find myself struggling with that question where the details of life are concerned. ‘God, can’t I make it up to you by DOING something instead?’ Maybe I also see God sometimes as the Mean Teacher, just waiting to confiscate my ‘goodies’ and toss them in His cupboard.

I do so need to spend less time following me.

Once I made the decision to be a Christ-follower (read Christian), I was under new management. That means everything about me is subject to the One I follow. Sometimes I wonder how much of my life qualifies to be described as ‘subjected’ in relation to Christ. I see flaws in my way of life, my way of thought, my way of business…. I also see how unwilling I am to change some of those ways. My journey I suppose to be less unwilling everyday.

Of all my struggles, I suppose my time is the single thing that I find most difficult to subject to the authority of God.

I hate to sound shallow and selfish, but the truth of the matter is, at present I’ll be praying a little more intensely for ‘witty inventions’.  Teach a man to catch a fish and he will never go hungry again, so I figure I need to get me a big fish catcher!  Its all about me right now.

I hate to admit it.  But its true.  I do have a mask for just about every occasion. I have a mask for church, for public places, for close encounters with people I hold in high esteem…. The list is endless. Tragically, I have a face for prayer. It sounds dumb that anyone can put on a face for God but I probably do it more than I think.

I caught myself praying with my ‘prayer voice’ and face contorted to capture my sincerity. All the for the benefit of He who sees beyond my face and into my heart. How can I have a meaningful prayer life when I fail to be real with Him?

As long as I am putting on a mask, I can’t hear God speak to me. I am too concerned about whether my pronunciation sounded holy enough or my voice spiritual enough to actually here His still small voice.

It is important for me to be real before God because any other way is a pointless performance.

Meditating on God’s Word has benefits. According to Joshua 1:8, I WILL BE prosperous and successful. According to 2 Timothy 3:16, I WILL BE equipped for every good work.

It also occurred to me that being certain about what God says about me in His Word is a benefit. And so is being transformed by His Word. Transformation by the renewal of my mind is a known side effect of meditating on His Word. I crave that. What Paul referred to as ‘be renewed in the spirit of your mind’.

That has got to be the ultimate transformation.

Quiet time has always been a struggle for me. But not when I’m in trouble, or troubled. I tend to form the habit and then just as quickly ‘unform’ it. So I beat myself up about it and the enemy says things to me that I agree with (you worthless unfaithful ingrate….) consequently introducing this feeling of inadequacy that won’t go away.

Nevertheless, I struggle on.

Generally I tend to be a night person. But that doesn’t seem to work for a designated quiet time. I do have a slow morning though. I would have to say I’m more alert in the morning as long as it’s not too early. That means I should ideally set aside some time in the morning to spend with God. It will be that time when God and I can meet up and catch up and I can pay attention. Although I bring background noise into an empty room I will aim to hear His voice above the ambient noise. Some of the background noise I bring with me is the baggage I refuse to lay down at His feet. Bills, projects that are behind schedule, things that aren’t going my way….

I’ll keep my phone off, shut the door and make it clear I am not to be disturbed. That should make my struggle just that little bit easier I suppose.